This resource explains different types of harmful behaviour and how to recognise them.
These questions came from participants in our Sex Ed for Grown Ups course.
1. What is the difference between someone being angry and abusive?
- Someone who is angry might shout, swear, or say unkind things
- Someone who is abusive uses behaviour to gain or maintain power or control over another person
Abuse can include anger, but it is about control, not just emotion.
Easy-read guide to domestic abuse: https://www.fife.gov.uk/__data/assets/file/0013/41341/Easy-Read-Domestic-Abuse.pdf
2. What is stealthing?
Stealthing is when someone removes a condom during sex without telling their partner.
This is:
- Not consensual
- Illegal
3. What is lovebombing?
Lovebombing is a type of emotional manipulation.
It often happens at the start of a relationship and can include:
- Lots of affection
- Gifts
- Constant messaging or attention
It can be used to build trust and then control someone.
4. What is the difference between sexual assault and rape?
Both sexual assault and rape involve not consenting to a sexual act. Both are illegal under the Sexual Offences (Scotland) Act 2009.
Sexual assault in the name given to a category of unwanted sexual behaviour. This can include sexual touching, touching of private parts etc.
Rape is when someone puts their penis inside someone’s vagina, anus (bottom) or mouth without their consent.
Some people refer to rape as a form of sexual assault, but the law separates them as two different things.
Useful resources
Easy-read guide to sexual abuse: https://www.fife.gov.uk/__data/assets/file/0015/41370/What-is-Sexual-Abuse.pdf
Surviving sexual abuse – an easy-read guide: https://www.togetherscotland.org.uk/resources-and-networks/resources-library/2009/01/surviving-sexual-abuse-an-easy-read-guide/
If you need support
If anything in this resource has brought up difficult feelings, or if you are worried about your own relationship or safety, support is available.
Scotland-wide support
Rape Crisis Scotland
Support for anyone affected by sexual violence. Call 08088 01 03 02 or text 07537 410027 open 6pm – midnight, every night, 365 days a year. It’s free and won’t show up on your bill, they can’t see your number when you call. Email: support@rapecrisisscotland.org.uk
Scottish Women’s Aid
Support for women experiencing domestic abuse.
If you feel scared of your partner or if you are worried about someone you know, get in touch with Scotland’s 24 hour Domestic Abuse and Forced Marriage Helpline on 0800 027 1234 email helpline@sdafmh.org.uk or visit sdafmh.org.uk. Message the text/WhatsApp service on 07401 288 595
Victim Support Scotland
Support after crime, including sexual violence and abuse. You can call their free support helpline from 8am – 8pm Mon-Fri, and 10am – 4pm Sat-Sun at 0800 160 1985.
If you are in immediate danger
If you are in immediate danger, call 999.
If you are unsure where to start
You can also speak to:
- your GP
- a trusted support worker
- a friend or family member you trust.
About this resource
This resource is based on real questions from disabled adults who took part in Sex Ed for Grown Ups, delivered by Pillow Talk Scotland with Three Sisters Consultancy.
The programme was funded by the Agnes Hunter Trust and is part of our work to make sex and relationships education more accessible and inclusive.
If you found this helpful, you can support us to keep creating free resources like this with a donation.
All illustrations thanks to SWIRL
